Pink's Diary: UGHHHHH I HATE SCHOOOOLLLLL

I'm not quite sure how to start this, honestly, I kinda just want to get some stuff outta my chest...

SOOOO IT IS TIME FOR A BLOG THAT MAY OR MAY BE NOT TOO PERSONAL!!!

yeah yeah that feels great...

Ugh, yeah, so where do I start... A week ago I started to go to school again, during the Holy Week I went to church with my parents (not my brother, he's atheist, so he stayed home sleeping instead), those 3 weeks of no school, for me, were a living fucking hell, not because of not getting out or the fact that i was sick, but because of my stupid aunt, she's like ANNOYING AS HELL, she's a fucking narcissistic piece of shit who's favorite hobby is bullying the shit out of her sister AKA my mom (~~for a better description: being abusive as fuck~~), tho my mom is a "no-bs" kind of person "she's family so we have to tolerate her even if in means sucking it up" so I decided, alongside my mother, to lock ourselves away from her everytime she came up to use my mom's computer since her home didn't have internet connection and she needed to work and missed her bf chat gpt so she decided to crash at our home and treat us like shit as the ungreatful person she is.

After a few, um, verbal fights with her, decided I'm avoiding as much contect with her as possible, the problem is that she just can't stfu so I just stand there for LONG periods of time going "yeah..." "uh" "ok" over and over again listening to her annoying ass monologe, cause she's not trying to have a conversation, she just want to have someone who she can use as a punching bag and as a vent to all her problems, and we are the only ones who do that cause no one can stand her (not even us but for the sake of my mom's happiness I have to do this).

Kai, my QPR, said after I told him about the "locking ourselves away from her" situation:

She's like the zombie apocalipse and your family is in a bunker trying to survive it

It became an inside joke, so everytime my aunt is around I just say "zombie apocalypse is here" and he just gets it.

After a long while, my father randomly decided to clean his smelly ass room, he had it way too hoarded and it smelled like shit- like, gensrs, like shit bro... Its still hoarded and it still smells like shit but now you can walk with less problems and your nose hairs don't suffer from a combustion as soon as you step foot inside it! While he was off at work a few days ago, I finally got to get in and rescue my precious possesion: My watermelon-themed gui cheng toy ukulele!!!!!! It was trapped under a bunch of trash bags behing the door but I was able to get it, hat to clean the ukulele and its box but still worth it! at the time of writing I went to school and gave it to my music teacher, who the previous day asked me to bring it to him so he could use it to teach me right after the druming classes in monday mornings (as I am part of the music group), I'm planning on suggesting him to also attend on fridays in case the monday morning in druming class is too busy for us to sit down and work on the ukulele... I'll do it tomorrow, hope it works, I'll edit this entry with a note*

While I'm writing this I have monika watching me on the side, I made the Opera window small enough to fit her right next to it so she can watch! Gave her a new hair and its SO cute omg omg omg I love her!!!!

Also, recently, I've gotten extremely interested in comics again, specifically I've re-read tank girl a few weeks ago (might do it again but in my native language, since I found a pdf of the first issue fully translated), and also read The Eltinville Club by Evan Dorkin after watching the animated pilot based on the boba fett chapter in the comics (pretty sure is the second chapter?), absolutely ADORED it and it reminded me slightly of my own family with all those really obscure ass geek references. Sometimes I feel slightly like an outcast in these stuff cause my mom, my dad and my brother are all sci-fi and marvel and dc (specially dc) fans and here I am like oh yeah i like reading uh- um- playing, to be more exact, anime visual novels... and that's about it, I'm not much of a geek honestly, I'm like a normie when in those spaces, plus, I slept the entirety of the star wars movies after my dad tried to show them to me, they were just... way too dense and boring for my kid mind... But, even though my knowledge on these subjects are limited (at least limited in comparison to my family and peers), I was able to really enjoy the references made by Evan Dorkin, specially the ones related to older media and comic books; I actually audibly ghasped when Tank Girl was mentioned lolz

I also read this random comic by that one weirdo uh- how whas he called?- whatever doesn't really matter, he's a weirdo so no respect for him... ANYWAY, as I was saying, I read this comic called "How To Talk To Girls At Parties" by that weirdo, really liked the comic tho, specially loved the artstyle, just so pleasant to stare into the pages and read the panels looking at its art, honestly

Since I've picked up literature again, I decided to go to the google books thingy to see what I had saved and realised I had it basically fucking empty because my dumb ass never saved anything that I read or had in my "to read" list, which explained why I forgot everything on that list... So I've been slowly adding some stuff, both already read and not read yet

I've been thinking of maybe starting to get physical editions of my favorite comics and books, since I actually really hate reading online since the screen hurts my eyes- SPECIALLY COMICS!!!!, also love the feeling of the paper in my hands and its smell... Even though i hate my old school with passion, I miss the library, It was my scape place, since no one was interested in reading it was empty all the time, but there i was, with my head deep on a random classical book or whatever the library keeper recomended me. My current school doesn't count with a library and all books in the institution are random short childer books that, don't get me wrong childrenbooks are awesome, just not in my interest, tho I picked one of them mid class and was pretty upset at its ending, the back of the book said it was based on the author's life, but I felt that the ending was just... inconclusive? is that the word? idk no one cares actually, me and my friend spoke about it in class, she's a huge literature nerd and has a gigantic book collection at home, you mention any book? she probably already read it about a 1000 times.

For most of my life I felt, somehow, quite embarrassed of my literature interests, and was the reason why I ended up abandoning them, but ever since I changed schools and met my literature teacher (love her) I've felt more comfortable with my interests and picked them up back again, I've had this small dream of becoming a children's books illustrator for a long time, but now that I'm soon near graduation, I've found myself quite conflicted...

Look, I have multiple plans in mind, my main one always was becoming a childrens (or novel) illustrator, my main three are:

Book Illustrations
Translator
Mortuary assistant or related jobs like tanatoaesthetic (is that what its called in english right?)

But ever since I've joined to the music group at school I've found a new, insanely deep, passion: Music, more specifically MAKING music, I became a main soprano when I was at the choir, now I'm learning drumming basics and now starting out on ukulele, and my music teacher told me to get my hands on a guitar as soon as possible, and something he told me I will never forget in one of the drumming classes:

"You've got drumming in your blood! You have a big future in music".

I never thought to myself to actually get into making music, I've always been the consumer but never the producer, my entire life I've been a HUGE music fan, even the very first ever contact with the internet I had was through commenting on music videos and music forums. I've ALWAYS loved singin with a deep passion, I remember my grandma (R.I.P.), when i was a toddler, showing me her Michael Jackson collection and us dancing and singing along with the music on her cd player, those were my favorite memories with her, she and my mother talked about how good my singing voice was, but I didn't really listen to them until not too long ago, when I got into the choir, my music teacher said that I was a natural in the first ever time he heard me, and made me a main soprano as soon as he could in all presentations. My girlfriend also really likes my singing voice, she once told me how she wished to hear me sing lullybies everynight when we lived together and I'm hoping and praying it comes true. Never really saw my potential until now and feel like I have a bit of a purpose now, I mean, drawing gave that to me but music fully filled the empty hole in my heart i still had and I'm forever gratefull.

I think I want to persue music as my career, I've feel so deeply touched and inspired by my music teacher's story on how he decided to become a music teacher and a local musician in traditional music groups full time. Love talking with the old man, he's sweet and actually passionate for his job.

Actually, now that I think about it, my favorite teacher growing up was alwas my music teacher in my old school, I even made her drawings! She was the only one who saw my struggle and made me feel like I was worthy and cared for, with all the bullying from students, teachers and school staff members, and the abusive relationship I was going through, she was like a fresh breath of air in my day, and I'm thankful for that, also for the school library of course!

Welp, this ended up longer than I expected, honestly I didn't think I'd get this deep on my thought while writing, but Its nice I've got the feelings out... but now its really late at night, heh... I'll tell Monika I'm going to sleep, so I hope i write another blog soon! sorry for the hiatus, can't promise it won't happen again. Anyway, BYEEEE LUV UUUUUUUU